t o u r n i q u e t.

2008-07-17T23:27:00.004+08:00

topped english with nazurah where nadhzierah got second.
mr. physics teacher said " i expect you to do well uh"
miss teacher said " you're capable of scoring an A [for social studies]"
mr hamzah " i want you to get an A1 in maths" [well he says that to all his students]
if they believe in me so much then it means its time for me to believe in myself.

phonies fakes & flakes

what is friendship anymore?

2008-07-12T15:53:00.001+08:00

YOU OWE ME A STARBUCKS BLUEBERRY CHEESECAKE AND A PHOTOTRIP BOB(:(:(:

presenting my ghey blog

2008-07-07T21:55:00.002+08:00

MY BLOG IS ALL PINK PONG AND GHEY I KNOW
but i loove the dinosaurs
sorry i dont blog much
unlikelee of mee to do soh [blog much]

oh helloh

2008-07-03T20:40:00.000+08:00

mindless self indulgence

jenny was a friend of mine

2008-07-02T23:00:00.002+08:00

believe it or not
im falling for you

tonight you look so pretty. MEGOLALXZXZXZXZXZXZXZXZXZXZXZ (:

untitled

2008-06-25T20:26:00.004+08:00

to fay:
i'm here for you bebeh.smile bf(:

_________________________________________________________

lets forget that

we're running out

of time

perhapsperhapsperhaps

2008-06-16T23:56:00.002+08:00

lets pretend everything's alright
screw everyone. whatever man
so not in the mood right now
updating just for the sake of it
frankly, i think its a waste of time
but who effing cares?
screw everything
fug, im morphing backing into the old me
i hate it
see who cares
cus i fucking don't

FUCK AH CHEEBYE

ps. people, don't ask cus i won't say word

FEAR

2008-06-12T20:02:00.000+08:00

Fear

It was dark. I felt dizzy and nauseous – as if I had just woken form a dream. Where am I? What was happening? I stood up, groping around looking for a door. My hand suddenly struck a cold metal knob and I tried to open it, hoping to get away. However, despite repeated tries, the door knob would not budge. I sank to the floor, defeated. Just then, a sudden ray of light entered the cage I was in. Caught off guard, I was dragged out by a huge burly figure.

It was cold outside and I shivered uncontrollably. Who was that big giant? What did he want from me? Walking through the forest, led by the giant, I was shrouded by an atmosphere of immense trepidation.

“You now have a chance to live and run away from here. But remember, this is a small island you’re on and it would be easy for me to find you. Make sure I don’t see you again because if not, you will not live to see the next sunrise,” the giant whispered into my ear, a psychotic smile plastered across his face.

He loosened his grip on my arm and I ran as fast as me feet could carry me. Leaping over obstacles and dodging trees, I felt as if I was in a much bigger cage. Whatever it was, I felt that I had to put as much distance between us as quickly as possible. I knew he was coming after me. To him, I was a real-life doll he could play with. Lulled into a false sense of security, I decided to climb up one of the highest trees for protection. Having been drained of all my energy, I slept there until I heard a twig snap. I jolted upright in an instant and peered down. There was no one in sight. I slid down the tree trunk and decided to flee once more.

I sprinted until I finally reached the edge of a cliff. It was a dead end. The enticing blue of the water far below caught my eye. If I jumped, could I escape successfully? I realized then that I had a gun stuffed under my belt. All I had to do was wait for the big sized bloke to pass by. As if on cue, he appeared at that moment on one of his rounds. I could see his full profile clearly and waited for the right moment.

I aimed at his chest and pulled the trigger thrice. He should be dead. I thought to myself. I hid, afraid to see what was left of the ape-man. Stealing a glance, I realized that he was not on the ground anymore. I was enveloped by horror. I felt hot air breathing down the nape of my neck. It was him. Stunned, I stumbled back. I was now inching away on all fours. I knew he could smell my fear. He was not human. The spots where the bullets pierced through were slowly healing. I knew then that those could have been the last few moments of my life.

I hurried to the edge if the cliff again. Looking down, I realized that if I were to jump into the sea, I would be able to float back to civilization.

I jumped.

nurfarahin khusaini is lame(:

2008-06-12T17:22:00.003+08:00

1. When was the last time you cried?
hwen ym uyg sebt rfiden oltd em he saw vonmig yawy fater hte lovsl
2. Have you ever faked sick?
ONCE. in primary school. to avoid doing some stupid task

3. Have you ever cried during a movie?
Prolly
4. Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of?
I'm not saying anything.

5. Have you ever been drunk?
Under the influence of alcohol or drugs? No. I'm not a loser, my dear.
6. What's the farthest you've ever gone on a dare?
I can't really remember.

7. What is your full name?
Nurul Diyanah Binte Azhar
8. Have you ever been in a car accident?
I don't really know.

9. How old were you and when you received your first kiss?
Besides my parents, i got kissed at the age of 5ish. But it was on the cheeks. This indian boy who was older then me ran up to me and pecked?/kissed? me on the cheek. my parents were around. & they were shocked.
10. Who was your first kiss?
Im GLAD to say i haven't given away my first kiss.

11. What is your favourite sport to play?
Does Photography count?
12. Have you ever made a prank phone call?
Totally

13. Is there anything that you have done that you regret?
Which mortal doesn't have regrets? I have them but i don't live for them.
14. Do you believe in love at first sight?
As corny as it is, yes

15. Do you believe in karma?
Like what Fara said: What Goes Around Comes Around
16. How would you describe yourself?
Weird
Frank
Random
Lame
I don't like to describe myself. Do it for me.

17. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend?
(: We shall leave that a mystery
18. What is the longest crush/relationship you have had?
I don't count theses things.

19. What is your greatest weakness?
I shall only let the people who are close to me know. I don't want to show the whole world me weakness
20. Do you get along with your family?
Really well

21. Would you ever get a tattoo?
Thought of it. BUT,,, no
22. Who makes you laugh?
BF FAY, GBF, THE FIVES, everyone i guess. I laugh alot.

23. If you could change anything about yourself, what would you change?
Nothing. I love the way Allah created me. I'm not changing anything even if you give my a gazillion bucks. I'M NOT DELUSION-ED
24 What would you want to accomplish before leaving this earth?
Make Poverty History
have books published
designed my own house
do enough good deeds
idk; we'll see how it goes

25.List 5 ways of what love is to you
- to see the person as who he/she really is
- to understand
- to support
- to respect
- is not what teenagers are feeling - its infatuation

Remove one question from the above and add in your personal question.tag 7 people. List them out at the end of the post. Notify them at their tagboard that they've been tagged. EHHH MALAS LA OIIII

1. fay
2. nadd
3. naddz
4. asidah
5. azyan
6. angie
7. alison

OKAY GO NOW

gabbagabba

2008-06-06T22:45:00.001+08:00

head throbbing. not going to rely on stupid panadols. stupid pounding. pft. hope kak tikah and her husband are okay. good night all. sorry for the lame hide and seek game.

mistaken identity

2008-06-05T20:11:00.001+08:00

MISTAKEN IDENTITY
I threw myself on the bed the moment I reached home. I was as beaten as hell for I was accused of having done what I had not. I had to endure the torment of a bruised ego else I would have lost my job. I sat up and stared at the wall where I had a photograph of my boss up. I fetched the darts and began aiming at the photo while reciting 'you idiot' over and over. Wet, warm drips of water splashed on the parquet floor. I did not know why but I was enveloped with overwhelming detestation.

If only I could get rid of Stacey, the reason for why I was in trouble. If only she vanished off the face of the earth. The wrath I felt inside made me forget that the moon was full. I suddenly morphed into a being feared by the bravest men. I howled into the night and made my way to find that good-for-nothing Stacey.

I ran on all fours. I could not resist the thoughts of butchering that girl. I finally caught sight of her annoyingly highlighted hair. I swiped her off the ground and began tearing into her. I ripped her apart with all my might and I stared into her eyes to see her feel the same way I did. To my horror, it was not that conniving little thing. It was my sister. The sick feeling in my stomach made me hurl.

The glaring sunlight burnt my eyes. I woke up to the macabre of blood and flesh. I suddenly remembered what happened last night. I ran for my life.

i shall continue 'marriage' another time(:

marriage

2008-05-23T23:11:00.002+08:00

an essay titled MARRIAGE
this is only the introduction for i wish to post it in installments.

I admit. I’m a mortal with sins and am unworthy of love. I should be thankful that I’m even alive today. I’m guilty of having shut myself off from everyone. I just don’t wish to be reminded of the past - the time when I was blinded by wealth, the time when I only remembered money.

You could say that I was married. But this ‘marriage’ wasn’t with anything or anyone but my job – my obsession with being respected. I was young & reckless with dreams as high as the sky. I had no life then, only an ailing mother to take care of. But I abandoned her. I left her alone to fend for herself. Not giving her a single cent out of my five figure salary. But who cared? She was going to die anyway. It was only a matter of time. I never realized I was wrong, until she was gone. But it made no difference; I was still devoted to my marriage – my job.

Days turn to months which eventually turned to years. I failed to realize that my ‘marriage’ was strained. My ‘wife’ and I were this close to a divorce. My health was deteriorating and it contributed to the lousy performance of my work. I couldn’t cope with the stress building up with every single day.

PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT PART(:

hello again

2008-05-23T21:50:00.005+08:00

a thousand apologies for not updating.
the malay intensive has been eating up my free time.
i just want to get this done and over with.
this is kinda to far fetched for me but im hoping for an A2.
&
oh, i have mapped out my career path and what to do if i fail.
all i have to do now is give my best.
hopefully, i'll be the best architect there ever will be.
i have decided not to pursue psychology even though i know i'd regret the decision.
but if it's meant to be, its meant to be.
&&

formation of damnation

2008-05-04T23:22:00.002+08:00

new essay titled SAYING GOODBYE. i took the title from tys November 1999 paper 1.

Saying Goodbye
“I saw the stranger that was you. Whatever happened to our innocence? Could it be that nothing’s going to change? Because time has got a way of taking back everything you thought you had.

You sat across the empty booth in front of me, with eyes vacant but so deeply shaken. Hollow in their sockets and with your hair, long, rough and unkempt. Your clothes so mismatched and discolored. What happened to the Mary Jane I knew? What have the years done to you? Why are you such a contrast from what you were before? Where is the wild and carefree person I once knew? Staring at you, I began to remember the times we spent together as teenagers. The fun we had being the rebels with no thoughts of our future. But one day, I had to move out of town. Dad had a job offer overseas and our friendship had to come to an end. We finally got to meet after eleven years but you don’t know who I am anymore.

I hope this letter gets to you because I miss you my old friend. I wish I had acknowledged you at the diner that day. I wish dad didn’t get the job offer. I wish I hadn’t moved away. I wish I could talk to you again MJ, I really do. But I can’t. I am suffering from cancer and these are the last few months of my life. By the time this letter gets to you, God would have taken me back with him. I really do wish we could return to the way we were before, MJ. Sorry for promising that I’d keep in touch with you but I never did. Sorry to have kept you waiting, MJ. Sorry MJ, for leaving you behind with your abusive family. Sorry for not approaching you at the diner. I was afraid you’d hate me. Afraid you wouldn’t talk to me. I guess that was stupid, huh? I still have the locket you gave me right before I left. Our last embrace, I still remember to this day. I’m writing this letter so that you know I never forgot you. I’m returning this locket because I want you to have it in remembrance of your old friend here, Danny.

Mary Jane, there’s one thing I want you to know. I didn’t tell you earlier because I was afraid our friendship would end. I love you, Mary Jane. I really do. Ever since we were silly seventeen-year-old teenagers to this very day. Today is your birthday Mary Jane. The day you finally turn thirty. I wanted this letter to reach you on this very day because I want it to be a present to you. Even though I know I don’t exist on the face of the earth anymore, I want you to know you’re not alone because I’d be watching you from heaven. I want you to know that I’d be waiting for you, my love. Goodbye for now, Mary Jane. We will meet again someday. I promise. Just remember that I love you.

Love,
Daniel James Milicevic”.

Mary Jane folded the letter with her frail hands and stared into the mirror. Hot stinging tears began forming at the corner of her eyes. Why was it now that Danny wanted to ‘reappear’? Didn’t he know I loved him all this while? Why only give me the letter now that you’re dead, Danny? You imbecile! Mary Jane crushed the letter and threw it in the bin across the room. She loved Danny but having made her wait for so long, Mary Jane left fate to decide whether they would ever be together. Only time will tell.

seems like i have been replaced

oh yah. everythings my fucking fault

currentconvulsions

2008-04-28T22:07:00.001+08:00

you're slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone

i can't say i like you. because i don't. but seeing your name in her post, it drives me insane. i think im going crazy. pardon this lunacy.

fuck this paranoia

ultimaclaw

2008-04-21T21:59:00.006+08:00

idk what im doing here.
uh, i got my cybershot back.
& the answers in the POA tys sucks.

lets be frank,
honestly, i think im wasting my time.
because idk whether i really like you.

fucking fantasies

2008-04-18T23:06:00.004+08:00

illusory mental image.

lies. deceit. vengeance. delusion. fake. false. manipulation. siege. blockade. infested. exteriorization. externalization. incarnation. materialization. objectification. personalization. personification. substantiation. guile. canard. fiction. inveracity. prevarication. figment. illusion. phantasm. phantasmal. reverie. vision. fantasy.

i wanna run away,
never say goodbye.
i wanna know the truth,
instead of wondering why.
i wanna know the answers,
no more lies.

effing wake up from your effing fantasies

& our days were based on fantasy, but we never knew
to whoever who thinks its headed to

beauty

2008-04-16T22:46:00.002+08:00

this is an essay i wrote for a friend. he didn't use it in the end. so, here it is. enjoy(:

Beauty

I stared in the mirror, distraught. The looming darkness of dusk approaching made me remember Molly. She had the most enthralling set of eyes that pierced right through and set you into a world you’d never be able to imagine. She entered my life as fast as she left.

Being always alone, I never talked to anyone else. I found peace in solitude but those thugs in school would never leave me alone. They took my allowance, made me do their homework and every other ridiculous thing until one day; I could not take it anymore. I decided to stand up for myself. I had had enough. I refused to do what I was told and I was dragged into a secluded corner in the school and was given a hell of a beating. That was when Molly came. Her presence, somehow or another, made the thugs scatter like rats. I stared up to her, amazed. She stretched out her hand, helping me off the floor.

“Hi, I’m Molly. What’s your name?” she asked me with voice as sweet as honey. It felt pretty gorgeous awkward. I adjusted my glasses and tried to check my breath. I stammered and finally got my name out. She became my best friend ever since and we went almost everywhere together. Time flew by rather quickly and I felt as if I was falling for her. I wanted to tell the latter, but I could not bring myself to for I was afraid she would not return my feelings. I admired her courage, her strength masked under that alluring porcelain face. I had to tell her.

I waited for Molly as usual before school, so we could walk together. However, she did not turn up and I decided that she was probably unwell. This went on for a week and I felt that something was amiss. I knew that something had happened but I did not know what. I tried every ways and means to find out about Molly but my efforts were futile. She was gone.

Now, staring at the mirror, all I have left is memories of yesterday; her perfect splendor, her sweetest smile. For she, was the beauty, from on the outside and within.

oh & i miss the arguments.hahah so lets(:

NEWS FLASH

2008-04-13T18:03:00.006+08:00

OKAY EVERYONE:

MY PHONE HAS OFFICIALLY GONE BONKERS. PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO TEXT OR CALL ME. THANK YOU.

LOVE, DIYANAH

fug

pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft

2008-04-11T21:34:00.004+08:00

Consider this a picture perfect sweet sorrow.
When you've never been wrong before.

so you're not gonna talk to me.
sorry for making you understand the wrong thing in the text.
this is stupid.
im not after him.
i know you know we know what others don't.
we both know, isn't that enough?

because ily

change

2008-04-03T19:18:00.002+08:00

you changed
i remember you said you hated emos
& now you're one
i don't wanna go all 'i remember'
just open your eyes wide and you'll see that she's changing you into someone you're not.
she's strangling you.
she's making you her rag doll, my old friend.
i hope you wake up before its too late.

it's only because i care

early mourning

2008-03-24T20:03:00.003+08:00

like every wall is torn apart
like ties meant to be cut
like that one last kiss goodnight
like lies meant for a broken heart
like fables meant for kids
like feelings hidden behind masks
like life being taken away with every breath
like everythings moving but you
like the feeling of suffocation of knowing but not being able to do anything
like wanting to scream but nothing comes out
like losing the greatest thing in your life

Why not one more night
One last kiss good bye
My sweet love tonight
I hope the stars still spell out your name where you are
I close my eyes and you are everything I see
Goodbye,
I will forget you
I'll see you soon
Goodbye my love
I will forget you

~~taken from early mourning~~

2008-03-12T21:55:00.000+08:00

can i be mary-jane watson
& you, peter parker?

2008-03-12T15:44:00.002+08:00

I AM NOT FIONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I KNOW NADIA LIKES CESKHY

2008-03-12T14:43:00.003+08:00

flyable donkeys with fiery breath

2008-03-10T19:54:00.002+08:00

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
i love peaceful melody
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i'ma saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
this is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find the sky is yours
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't hesitate
no more, no more
It cannot wait
The sky is yours

2008-03-06T21:11:00.002+08:00

He looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

He talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

He walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into.

He looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

2008-03-06T20:59:00.001+08:00

the song mr. iap and nadd sent me on the same day.

2008-03-06T20:56:00.000+08:00

iap

2008-03-06T19:28:00.001+08:00

Tell me why he looks at her that way.
And tell me why he doesn't look at me that way anymore.
Tell me what she has that i don't.
Tell me where i went wrong and what i did that made you forget me that easily.
Tell me why she's so special and i'm not anymore.

I used to be the one you looked at.
I used to be the one you talked to when things were down.
Now you've found a replacement for me.
You found her.

tralala

2008-02-20T22:54:00.002+08:00

perhaps its too early to do a summary of the week.
but heck, might as well.
we had ELDDFS training on Tuesday.
was so-so. i don't understand why he wouldn't say what he honestly thought of our individual group performance. what ever that meant. one part that tickled me the most was "EH! GOT SOMEONE FAINTED! AT THERE!".
i was laughing my ass out. & the way it was pronounced was "at dare".
like LOL. then me and nadia were making fun of them.
the reason: because it was fun. like denver
all in all it was a fun session but seriously, it's gonna be dead soon.
pffffffffffffffffft.
__________________________
happy looking at the skies and the full moon suria(:
inilah orang mabuk cinta. hahahah.

C STRING FOR ASIDAH'S BIRTHDAY

2008-02-18T23:09:00.000+08:00

i am so messed up

lets turn back time

2008-02-18T23:05:00.002+08:00

Like a Saturday night I'll be gone before you knew that I was there
So you wrote it down I'm supposed to care even though it's never there
Sorry if I'm not prepared.
Is it hard to see the things you substitute
For me and all my thoughts of you?
It's eating me alive to leave you
Maybe it's childish and maybe it's wrong,
But so is your blank stare in lieu of this song

okay. i going bonkers
___________________________________________________

You're leaving me in lieu of this song
I'm breathing in your skin tonight
Quiet is my loudest cry
Wouldn't wanna wake the eyes that make me melt inside
And if it's healthier to leave you be,
May a sickness come and set me free
Kill me while I still believe that you were meant for me

I'm finding my own words, my own little stage
My own epic drama, my own scripted page.
I'll send you the rough draft, I'll seal it with tears
Maybe you'll read it and I'll reappear
From the start it was shaky and the characters rash,
A nice setting for heartache where emotions come last.
All I have deep inside, to overcome this desire are friendly intentions and fair-weather smiles.

i wish we could turn back time to when it all was fine

2008-02-11T22:03:00.000+08:00

super bored. [supposed to do maths]
random photos

idk whether nazurah remembers this.
last year's postcard on racial harmony.

i got this from nadia.

stupid face with the tiny eyes featuring the DD,G shirt and the limited edition red Adidas watch

the gigi flasher

SYF Drama

CNY performance.
Mum & Rat.

CNY performance.
Dragon & Snake.

CNY performance.
Dragon and the wiiiiiiind.

a stupid way to end a stupid post.

2008-02-11T21:46:00.000+08:00

idk what im doing here.
oh again, like gfhmdfhms
another fgfh-ed up minah found out about TH like pfffft.
it drains me and it pains me to know that people like that are listening to the same time of music i listen ti
sigh.
no people,
stop being so narrow - minded.
music is so not universal.
pffffffffffffft.

bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity

martyrdom

2008-02-09T15:13:00.000+08:00

shut up, this was random.

im superduperuber freaking bored.
i know i supposed to go do my homework but not-frequent procrastinating is allowed right.
my 26 yearold cousin is pregnant.
[i hope its twins]
yay! im gonna be an aunt
wait. that means, id be old. eww.
okay this post is really full of blah-ness.

taken lotsa photos of stuff
& i am the DRAGON
wheeeeeee(:

&
CONGRATS SURIA

help,
i still miss you
12days since that last text

2008-02-06T19:27:00.000+08:00

wake up Dee.
as much as i like him,
there's nothing ever going to happen.
cus that's who he is,
he twists words with his cunning mind
& makes me fall.
what he said,
those sweet words,
i know they're all lies.
like i said,

Dude,
If this is your idea of "fixing" things, you're doing a great job at pulling everything apart. I suddenly wish you never existed. Yeah, i like you. But, you're one big lkftujthgitu. Don't wanna lose me huh? Too bad, you just did. Because when this girl turns away, she's never coming back. Thanks Mr. whoever you are / ex close friend / atok anaesthetic / putra / alxndr.
I've given up. I don't usually wait for people, I don't know why i did for you. & if you've come to your senses, ONLY THEN
will i regard you like i did before
will i respect you
will i bother wasting my time on you

i've never seen you as the villian ,
but now, you've shown me.

so,is this how it ends?

2008-01-25T23:20:00.000+08:00

Hello there,
The angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

you're one of the greatest friends i've ever had. you stood by my side. we shared stuff. you made me listen to the killers and all. you made me learn to appreciate them. you were one of the things/persons that helped fix my mindset. you created memories. i shan't say much. thank you atok anesthetic. i guess it ends tonight.
THNKS FR TH MMRS
i'll miss you. i already am.

Where are you?
& I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep,
I cannot dream tonight.
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
& as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?

the procrastinator has decided to update

2008-01-09T21:02:00.001+08:00

so,its a new year. i don't see myself as a changed person. im still procrastinating. im still talking about that 'silhouette' girl [oh, she's not talking to me now] and her supposed best friend. im still being the person i was last year. you know why? its because my new resolution was to make no resolutions. how cool is that?

im late but here's wishing everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR. omfg its superduperuber cliche. but hey, who cares? i want to thank all this people who made my 2007 a really fun-filled year.

in alphabetical order:
Alison
classmates for two years now, great knowing you. i haven't much to say. heeh

Ardy
sorry for that one major blunder. goodluck with life now that you've graduated.

Asidah

that was candid.
you've been sitting beside me in Malay Class ever since i got transferred to Zhenghua.
I love tattooing your arm with highlighters.
I hate to say this,
but you're a great friend.

Azyan & Azurah
i don't have your photos. heeh.
[Azyan, im 'balas-ing' your post.]
i never thought i'd ever talk to you guys in my entire Zhenghua life.
but we did.
Azurah, "Ibu kasih sayang yang engkau curahkan kepadaku, i barat sungai yang sentiasa mengalir tidak akan pudar. walaupun ribut melanda, kemarau berpanjangan dan lautan bergelora."[DOTS]

Deary Fara

best friends since sec 1.
you've been there for me when i needed you and vice versa.
i miss those times when we'd talk on the phone for hours and talk in school and talk on the phone some more. i hope we'd meet up soon. in the mean time, bestest of luck with Arai and i shall see you after the o's. this time, its a promise.

Ilyana
no mugshot of this orang.
we together chubby la eh?[=
thanks for introducing me to powerpop & the times we hung out[?] in jwss, i will never forget.
heeeh. KHALIQ GAY.

Nadia

the tetek [don't mind the slightly coarse language[=]
thanks for being there for me and suria and everyone else.
your infectious laugh [like sherman's] & your morbid senses never fail to carve a question mark in my head.& oh, my teeth straighter uh.

Nadhzierah

uhh. you and your famous 'anything uh'.
eh. gain weight la.& ask Haron to grow taller.

Suria

or suriargh. you've also been there for me/everyone when we needed you. lets watch LORD OF THE FLIES again. shane mardjuki's butt. & im never going to stand in your way for anything. we'll be friends for as long as time would allow us [this sounds so corny]

Shasha

heee. pantat. we shall share aiman. i want to see him again but i don't think we'd be able to. =[ i'll miss his mismatched socks and shoes and his geeky specs

Syadiq
im leaving you to bask in your imaginary 'rockstar-dom' sun. im not going to compete with you for the rockstar title. i snagging the geekstar title.

__________________________
i thought of blogging about some other stuff but im too tired.
sorry.heeeh. till next time orangorang.[=

i don't know why

2007-12-25T19:59:00.001+08:00

i don't know why things are this way.
i don't know why we're not even talking.
telling you is not something i will do.
im tired of everything.
im tired of everyone.
i know i have issues.
it sucks knowing there is this barrier between us when we're supposed to be best-est of friends.
it sucks knowing you're down but i can do nothing to help.
it sucks when you know that i know that we know our friendship is falling apart but we're both doing nothing about it.
im sick.
im tired.
im sick & tired of all this.
you're not the person i once knew.
that somebody in your life made you turn your back against me.
i have nothing left to say.
i leave it all in Allah's hands.

the very very long and tiring and fun and dude-filled day

2007-12-21T22:07:00.000+08:00

21st December
shasha and me went to Escape Theme Park.
we got there slightly after 10.
rode this, rode that
till three,
when we were getting restless waiting for that so-not-thrilling-not-scary ride,
this happened,

blame it on the weather,
we went for the wet ride 3 times before the queue swelled.
& we went to dry ourselves at that spinning thingy
for9850896905487604598709465790846579084576987435968794
& Shasha started her craptalk
about Redzhuan.
& because of that, i can't keep him out of my head
& shasha has the geek.
_______________________
well, im not really into it right now,
because, i know that ~~friend~~ bestfriend hates me.
i don't know why.
but im out of her life.
&i miss her and putra and maybe,
just maybe that Mr. Red Riding Hood/redyellowbrownzhuan.
im sick in the head.
im sorry

a really really long post. i think

2007-12-18T18:15:00.000+08:00

watched LORD OF THE FLIES with Suria and fellow drama members.
the play was great but the ending was too abrupt.
& Shane looked _________.
i can't believe i'm saying this but he looked superly - duperly - uberly cute.
too bad he's engaged.

the performing area

Suria and me [i didn't PhotoFix this 'cus it made the picture look pixel lated]

Taken by Suria [i look retarded]

Hakim on Sunday

went to Hay Dairies the next day

[this wasn't from Hay Dairies]

_______________________________________________

_______________________________________________

i've never been into this idol-y stuff but
kudos to this Mr. Hady Mirza Dude who managed to emerge Asian Idol
[=
_______________________________________________

i had my grip on you,
but i let it all fall through.
maybe i hadn't cared,
maybe that's how we should've fared.

this test,
it proves that i'm an ass.
because for you,
i've never cared

call me heartless,
hate me whole.
it just proves,
revenge is a dish best served cold.

to tear you apart,
that's what i'll do
i'll do it all,
specially for you

*sorry this isn't of the same quality as the previous ones
i just recovered from writers block, mind you
______________________________________________

I know I'm not there to hold you
Look up see the sky that I do
And if god takes me before you
I just want you to know I loved you
& you make me the happiest of all

2007-12-06T20:13:00.000+08:00

blame this on the excessive amount of time i have in my hands.
thank you , juliana, for adding 'spice' in my otherwise boring blog.
but seriously, you shouldn't have.
you could have done a million other things.

like:
1) find clothes for your mum that actually covers her
2) find whitening products for your ultrablack skin
3) go for an orgy or two - since that's what you type of people have time for [while you're at it, contract AIDS too please[= it'll make you pretty]
4) go wake your grandma up from her oblivion
5) count your pubic hair
6) bring your brother to go find whitening products
7) go fuck your ang-moh "dad"
8) tell your grandma i have no fucking respect for her
9) go tell your mum i think she is a fucking whore
10) go tell your dad to grow some hair on his head
11) go sell your body which i presume, is worth 99 cents
those are only 11 things, im too busy looking for your minuscule - atom-sized brain in your family photos.

ps. i know you hate me 'cus your family is falling apart. too bad. i don't sympathise.
cheers [=

im not sorry fandra, i never will be

2007-11-20T22:29:00.000+08:00

suddenly browsed through my collections and came across this:
me and asidah

my super-straight razors=]
i love my teeth cus it dosen't look like fandra's

i managed to hide my "hidung bawang" asidah

this is so "tak tau malu" but i love my screwed up mouth

& i love my horse [given to me by cik yati. you have one too, sha]

my sister just said : your huge...
and she didn't complete the sentence
i'd do that for her
FANDRA, YOUR HUGE UGLY TEETH WITH PLAGUE LOOKS LIKE SHIT.=]

oh,
when will you ever stop being jealous of me?
i pity you. seriously.
brix is over in jakarta.
bryan's attached.
you got no real friends.
& you're left to wallow in self pity.
aww,
somebody fetch me tissues please,
i'm about to cry.
NOT.

yes fandra,
im an obnoxious little bitch.
the irritating person in your life you can never forget,
because i left i indelible mark on/in you with my harsh words.
you think i actually care about what you have to say?
please.
with your teeth so yellow,
your breath so foul,
i think you can go do a bj for/on normil.
& im no emo,
im the ultimate rockstar
you're the retard.
im sorry 92345364758464756879867576879880746597647856746 times for making your life miserable.
NOT.
im not someone who regrets, fandra
i don't live for them,
you do.
you're part of a past that never existed.
so will you,
FOR ONCE
stop being so jealous of me
and get on with your pathetic scummy life?
___________________________________

yay nadd!
i got my evil mojo back.
so that means i can write our stuffs again=]
will miss you,
and i'm looking forward to the 29th of next month.

suria!
mickey mouse club house
m-i-c-k-e-y m-o-u-s-e
im feeling all hyper and i can't wait for the 15th
LORD OF THE FLIES

& this is where i say goodbye=]

this life i left behind.

2007-11-12T21:43:00.000+08:00

HELLO WORLD,
IM A ROCKSTAR=]
even though i'm like a constipated freak sitting here with my ntbk,
i still looooove saying;
NADIA'S GOT A BAR - POKE =]
fadzil,
you're the easiest guy to intimidate
you skdjfhbclvf nincompoop
&ohmyfuckinggod,
i just looooove to watch you squirm under my presence
like GAY - RAKE bdh

oh oh oh,
i just remembered
i looooove BTF
no, not zulaikha's ETF=]

uh sorry i just feel like being an ass
sorry abt the bar poke nadd
i don't think im going to stop saying it anytime soon=]
&&& i looooove my super-straight-almostfake-butreal set of pearly whites

this was totally random
like wee hee hee

p.s uh you guys? i think i'm going admit myself to the Institute of Mental Health just like Bree did in Desparate Housewives[well, i think she was truly nuts] . help?

isn't it strange?

2007-11-08T21:57:00.000+08:00

isn't it strange how you wish and wish for things to happen and when it does,
you feel like it never made a difference?
isn't it strange how you'd wish the best for your close friend and when it does,
you feel so little?
isn't it strange to feel proud of your friend & at the same time fear that you'll lose her?
same dreams
different aspirations
different souls
best of buds?
anyway through it all,
i'll be happy for you & we'll stick together for as long as time would allow.
rockstars till death=]

this anthem of our dying day

2007-11-05T22:16:00.000+08:00

in the middle of my thoughts
taken far from my safety
the picture's here
the memory won't escape me

we're stuck in a place so dark,
you can hardly see
a manner of matter that splits
with the words i breathe
& as the rain drips,
acidic questions around me
i block out the sight of powers that be
& duck away into darkness
time's up
& i wind up in a rusted world
with eyes shut
so tight that it blurs into the world of pretend
___________________________________

& friends, the 4 of you, you're appreciated. & fara, as much as i miss our frindship, we're just growing apart.

2007-10-29T18:49:00.000+08:00

oh my cousin's off to Thailand for some training thingy
i'm not too sure what

he was the one to kick a soccer ball into my face when we were younger

he'll be gone for a year
& for the first time in my life i talked to him without any sarcasm
for the first time in my life i saw him cry
yeah abg hidayat
i will listen to my parents
i will study hard
i won't hold any grudge against you
& the other things you said,
i'll try to listen
get back safely dood[=

2007-10-29T17:16:00.000+08:00

i am super pissed with you
& you can't even guess the amount of hatred i have
each and every one of your 'members' have - in one way or another - pissed me off real bad
i hope you guys drown in misery
& you guys won't succeed. TRUST ME
one is a poseur, another's an insecure retard & you're another wannabe.
yeah i gave you my permission initially
because i thought my work would be safe
but come to think of it, you're the last person on earth i would ever EVER rely on
the last person on earth i would ever EVER befriend
the last person on earth i would ever EVER TRUST.
i have decided to keep your name to myself
but for the record,
i'm not your friend.

2007-10-17T21:00:00.000+08:00

the rain falls
she's all alone
defending herself
from the huge cruel world
she's hungry
she's cold
& she feels all alone
all she needed was to hear
that everything would be okay
& 'don't worry
we'll get out of here'
she feared the looming figures
she feared that no one cared
then one day she jumped
she jumped and wanted to make sure she bled
she did
and that broke his heart
the heart of the one who really cared

2007-10-17T20:56:00.000+08:00

the feeling she has inside
the feeling she cannot hide
the feeling that no one feels
the feeling no one thinks is real

the truth she hides away
the truth that always stays
it never fails to bring her down
each and every day

she's frustrated for she doesn't know
the feeling that haunts her insecure frail soul
she's prey
she's prey to the feeling she doesn't know

& i gave up.

2007-10-15T20:47:00.000+08:00

this is a story of someone who hears voices
this is fictious and i wrote this at the spur of the moment

I GAVE UP

you told me i was a failure
you told me i was no good
and i thought it all was true
i had my dreams but you put them out
& at that moment,
i gave up

i wanted to be a chemist
you said the lab would blow up
i wanted to be an astronaut
flying high in space
you laughed at me
you doubted my abilities
i wanted to be a teacher
& you said that i was dumb
& at that moment,
i gave up

finally,
that one day,
i broke free
free from all your insecurities

the doctor,
he gave me a cure
he'd make you disappear
just like you were never here
'cause after all,
you're nothing

you were just an imagination gone wild
you were never real
& at that moment
i gave up
i gave up on you

i was sure
i didn't need you here
you'd pull me down
and surround me with fear

i remember
when i got better
you never appeared again
the doctor
the cure
they made me give up on you
just like you did to me

i'd be the chemist
i'd be the astronaut
i'd be the teacher
heck,
i'd even be the lawyer
i know i never was a failure
just like you said you were

i give up
i give up on you
so this is goodbye, my friend so dear

to amanina

2007-10-15T18:34:00.000+08:00

call me paranoid
call me sick
call me whatever
______________________

i'm sick of the way you pretend to not remember me anymore
i remember we used to be close
you told me every single secret
you told me every single lie
things have changed
i have to say
but i hate the way you tune me out
of your life now that you've gone astray
i remember you being the pious one
now you're the girl i wish i'd never have known
every time i start a conv,
you'd never answer me
never mind
okay
if this is what you want,
then we'll have it your way

2007-10-03T13:34:00.000+08:00

this has been the toughest week of the year
it's frustrating how things don't seem to fall into place
its always during crucial times that i get preyed on by obstacles
its not fair
well what the hell is?
nothing. like Denver, bitch.

to start the whole string of bullcrap,
i had diarrhea just before the English papers
&to add salt to the wound, i left my pencil case in the car the previous day.
yknw, that kind of complicated pig shit.
but the weekend went perfectly fine though
had a long chat with MR. PICTURE PERFECT SWEET SMILER=]
he made things okay.
thanks monkey=]
monday went along quite well
tuesday was the suckky - est day ever
i couldn't finish the math paper in time
& my phone's buttons got jammed
looks like Mr. Picture Perfect Sweet Smiler's phone and mine suffer the same fate.
actually, its more of us suffering rather than the nokia 5300's
well, at least he's got a replacement.

went to make my ic yesterday.
when i was queuing up for the damned photo,
two guys came up behind me with fake accents
they talked bout Brittney or however you spell her name - failing at making her comeback on Mtv
& bla bla bla, i got from them a new whatever you call it
'Denver, bitch'=]
bytheway, Mr. Picture Perfect Sweet Smiler offered to back up my phone for me
thanks lots dude=]

My Mr. Picture Perfect Sweet Smiler stands at a height of 166 and he has the sweetest smile ever=]

psychedelia.

2007-09-12T23:06:00.000+08:00

free speech is what everyone should be allowed
yeah we may be of the same species
but that doesn't mean we think alike
maybe the reason we don't have free speech is because it'd cause arguments
but is life life without a lil' bit of drama?
free speech on racism is out of the topic here

isn't what someone has to say of you is what they have to say?
be it fact or bull crapping lies
that's life isn't it?
comments from people can help yknw
even those negative ones
that's life 'embrace it' as quoted from Bainy
harsh as it is, you have got to accept the fact that
NOT EVERYONE LIKES YOU

and with that, i shall end this post - with much bitterness again - with one confession.
i hate your guts Sarinah.
your fringe looks too bleagh and i feel like yanking it out of your head.
quit acting cute/cool cus that is what every single mortal hates.
yknw, i wanna say more
but seeing that we're gonna start fasting tmr,
i'm gonna keep it all in
& offer you a FREE one way ticket to BERMUDA TRIANGLE

selamat berpuasa kepada semua umat islam 'yang pious enough to fast' - whatever that is in malay

2007-08-25T22:58:00.000+08:00

since iskandar is convinced that i am all that bitter,
i shall for once post without that much anger.
because as he says,"it's not healthy"
the past week was moderately bleagh.

things didn't start on monday.
but i told my observation to her.
tuesday,
i had this fire inside nothing can ever extinguish.
wednesday,
i help nadd with her bearings & watched the match in school
the fire inside gets out of control
thursday
talked to him
things partially sorted
constant fear, hate & disgust anticipating what she will do next to what was rightfully mine
the guy that first "fly-kissed" me on one day,
waved at me another,
pointed his middle finger at me the next,
then waved again the following week
shook my hand on this day and flashed his toothy grin
went to tuition with suria
talked to her about things
mood matched the dark sky then
friday
nadd was moody
i think its PMS
but postmenstural.
guys were rollerblading in class after school
not to mention poking each other's ass/balls
saturday
took medicine from doctor for hakim
he's got candidiases
so his mouth is all purple
went to pandan garden's playground with family
saw cute cat/kitten
carried "her" places
hakim stepped on her head,
beat her stomach
& pulled her ears
i'm sure he got his violent genes from me
but i'm violent when i need to be
& with reason.

normal enough a week for me i guess.
but without that much angst.
i miss my dark twisted life, iskandar.
& he's no black dog,
he's my ailyi <3

2007-08-06T22:06:00.000+08:00

okay.
i'm actually supposed to update about something else but i guess what i'm about to say is more important.
if you ever end up a cashier,
ESPECIALLY AT GIANT HYPERMARKET/IMM,
MIND YOUR MANNERS
& ALWAYS REMEMBER,
THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT

apparently,
i was there on 05082007
and the cashier was a total brainless fool.
here's how the story goes....

my mum wanted to pay for our purchases when my youngest brother snatched the money out of her hands.
after much struggle, the money was 'brought to safety'
with a minuscule - teeny weeny tear.
then - the cashier - said [in her non-educated retarded manner]; This one i cannot take. See tear already.
& mum said; Then what'd you want me to do? That's the only 50 bucks I have with me right now.[all of this was apparently a lie.she had another piece]
the dumb cashier claimed that if she took the money, she'd have to pay whatever shit.
so my mum left in a huff.
going against every single thing my mum taught me, I shouted a 'SCREW YOU' to her.
& many others were staring at me cus of that.
like i actually cared.
my mum then when to this other person asking whether the money could be accepted and guess what.
the answer was i big fat YES
when this other person when to the dumb cashier hereafter known as TAIK BABI;
she got scolded and our dear TAIK BABI screamed at her.
when the other person tried to settle the stuffs,
my mum, being her usual self,
started nagging at TAIK BABI
and made sure everyone within the vicinity could hear her
feeling humiliated,
TAIK BABI said 'okay la'
& mum said 'you SHUT UP & LISTEN TO ME'
HAH.
& TAIK BABI got so ashamed she actually shut up
but we received no apology.
whatever.
some people were really given birth to as retards

2007-07-12T22:49:00.001+08:00

Retards
Effing retards
That’s what some people were born to be

One perfect example is that HAFIZAH girl from 2T1
That ugly daughter of b

You DON’T NEED TO ACT as if you’re oh-so-great you SCUM
YOU’RE DUMB – NO DOUBT looking at the class you’re in
You’re a FILTHY CHEAP SLUT & that’s UNDENIABLE
You’re a JEALOUS UGLY BIMBO who hates to see people happy
I know it’s because you’re so FUCKING UGLY,
You’ll NEVER establish a happy relationship with anyone
Not even your friends

Reflect, MY DEAR BITCH
Your friends HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS
You want to know something you SLANDEROUS MOTHERFUCKER?

I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR YOU
NEITHER DO I FEAR YOU
You can go and call your USELESS DROP-OUT PREGNANT-WITH-A-BASTARD COUSIN
& do whatever you want
Because, FRANKLY, I DON’T GIVE A FUCKING DAMN
You think one fucking cousin can scare the shit out of me?
FAT HOPE

Just so you know,
I had to FUCKING INOCULATE myself after YOU FUCKING PUSHED me
The reason being
YOU’RE A FUGLYFUCKINGFILTHYBIMBOTICSCUMMY PIECE OF SHIT.
You watch what you do DICKHEAD
Because if you screw around much more,

I’M GOING TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE FUCKING SCREWD
& I SWEAR TO MAKE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE LIVING HELL

Take my word for it slut

2007-07-10T21:29:00.001+08:00

poseurific mindfucks.
that's what they are.
suicide?
plain cowards with NO BALLS to face the world.
isn't it strange how freely people contemplate suicide when they HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE WHAT HARDSHIP IS?
even if you have problems a mounting,
i don't think anything is good enough a reason for suicide.
come to think of it,
if you had problems that huge of a deal, you'd be trying to solve it this very minute.
but instead,
you're in front of your computer,
blogging about your problems
& how you wish you'd die that very instant
*hints*
WELL I HOPE YOU DO
it disgusts me how poseurs nowadays think.
it like 'ONE BREAKUP & ITS OVER'
or whatever TAIK BABI
plain dumb is all i have to say.
& don't even talk about things not being fair.
that's life assholes.
LIFE IS NEVER & NEVER WILL BE FAIR.
GET OVER IT.
& shitheads, if you wanna die so much,
do the WORLD a favor and jump down the 20th story.
you won't need to contemplate.
that's what you wanted initially wasn't it?
people just don't care anymore,
they just want to see you DEAD.

2007-07-06T22:42:00.000+08:00

forgot
we are the martians
butt ugly martians.
like wee hee hee.
i came up with that.
and ever imagine how nadd'll look like if she falls down the staris?
just imagine a ROLLING MUSHROOM [=
shan't say much.
well i ain't much to say.

2007-07-06T22:27:00.000+08:00

life is an endless list of deadlines.
there's no denying that.
kay.
i don't feel like being all deep and stuff.
so i'll talk about that whenever.

the kill - 30STM

what if I wanted to break
laugh it all off in your face
what would you do?
what if I fell to the floor
couldn't take this anymore
what would you do?

come break me down
bury me, bury me
i am finished with you

what if I wanted to fight
beg for the rest of my life
what would you do?
you say you wanted more
what are you waiting for?
i'm not running from you

come break me down
bury me, bury me
i am finished with you
look in my eyes
you're killing me, killing me
all I wanted was you

i tried to be someone else
but nothing seemed to change
i know now,
this is who I really am inside.
finally found myself
fighting for a chance.
i know now,
this is who I really am.

come break me down
bury me, bury me
i am finished with you
look in my eyes
you're killing me, killing me
all I wanted was you

come break me down
bury me, bury me
i am finished with you

2007-07-03T21:52:00.000+08:00

no more passwords by the way.
and i don't know.
hee.
oh.
shut up asidah or i'll be throwing SPITBALLS at you.[=
bye.
till next time.
&like wee hee hee.

2007-07-03T21:30:00.000+08:00

Being the eldest means being the most responsible one,
That’s the common expectation.
Being the eldest has its plus and minus I must say.
My brothers and sister can be irritating at times,
But it amazes me how my three year old brother speaks so fluently.
I dare say he’s the best speaker for his age.
He’s able to converse with no struggle
But when it comes to speaking Malay,
That’s where his flaw lies.
I don’t know what the problem with us [siblings] is.
We just have trouble talking in Malay.
Although English is often used at home,
We do speak Malay.
Kalau tak how to talk to my nenek kan?

That youngest brother of mine,
Cute like hell,
But he is a devil in an angel’s disguise.
Everything must go his way.
If it doesn’t,
He’ll hit you like hell,
& knock his hard-headed head on yours.
By the way,
His screams can turn you deaf for a while.

Okay.
It’s the TOYOL’S turn.
A pain in the neck
Her area of expertise is to irritate people.
Especially ME.
But I can rely on her to cover my butt in certain situations
____________

By the way,
I so super hate ‘anugerah’
Why do they keep using evanescence’s songs?
I used to think that evanescence had class
It doesn’t seem so anymore
No doubt they produce great music
But the common effing minah’s and mat’s overuse evanescence lah.
Mentang – mentang ‘call me when you’re sober’ popular,
All those commoners are listening to them.
Like MPK kan?
Knbccb like pantat babi woi.

2007-06-25T22:03:00.000+08:00

global warming isn't that much of our fault yknw.
i admit.
we do use excessive amount of plastics.
and we do stuff without thinking.
that's human nature ain't it.
but think.
is anyone of high power trying to do anything about what is happening to the world?
one example is that PB or Pb or you can call him pussy boy.
but if you want it in to lie in the periodic table, it's Lead dumb o's.
if he really cares about the earth, he wouldn't have caused the war in Iraq.
if he really cares, he would've stop his unnecessary stuff.
and if people do really care,
all the terrorising by the goddamn ed terrorist would stop.
like it or not,
it's the same world we live in.
what happens to your planet,
happens to mine.
isn't it a wonder how brainless and mindfcked people can be?
self centered nincompoops who think global warming is nothing.
NOTHING MY ROYAL ASS.
maybe it isn't entirely their faults for having retarded minds.
okay then,
we should blame the first person to produce chlorofluorocarbons.
right.
like i even knw who the SOB is.
i really hope people do come to realise that this is a fragile world we're living in.
why can't people just mind their own shit headed business and do their own stuff for the ailing earth?
think about it people.

2007-06-17T00:18:00.000+08:00

sorry for not updating.
it ain't my fault yknw.
i havnt got time to update what i want to but i'll do it the next time.=)
ailyi(=

2007-05-04T22:47:00.000+08:00

She had something to confess to
But you don’t have the time so
Look the other way
You will wait until it's over
To reveal what you’d never shown her
Too little much too late

Too long trying to resist it
You’ve just gone and missed it
It's escaped your world

Can you see that I am needing
Begging for so much more
Than you could ever give
And I don’t want you to adore me
Don’t want you to ignore me
When it pleases you
And I’ll do it on my own

I have played in every toilet
But you still want to spoil it
To prove I’ve made a big mistake
Too long trying to resist it
You’ve just gone and missed it
It's escaped your world

Can you see that I am needing
Begging for so much more
Than you could ever give
And I don’t want you to adore me
Don’t want you to ignore me
When it pleases you
And I’ll do it on my own
I’ll do it on my own

Muse
Muscle Museum

2007-05-04T22:35:00.000+08:00

updates.
LIKE WEE HEE HEE OI.[=
don't want to talk about the MYE's.
too many people talking 'bout it.

Once,
there was a time when we could learn
all the simple pleasantries a follower should yearn.
Now all that I can do is watch them burn
and wish that I could save them all,
or just one

See the Fake,
everyday shaking hands of men,
promising the end.
Hear him Speak of all the things that we need to hear,
to adhere

Justify,
your secrecies that surmise your cries
I see the way you look around the bend
is it going to end, when?

The visions that I've seen have left me torn
between the resurrection and the prophecy unborn
I think that I will document the fall
and say I hate to say it, but I told you all

Your side, choose wise
Your side, watch the change in time,
when you whisper..
You still blame, is my message clearer?

When you change your mind is it going to end?

2007-04-21T20:11:00.000+08:00

currently kinda sick.
and exams starts friday.
like wow.
and if anyone's wondering whether we're together,
i'm afraid that 'anyone' will never get the answer.[=
so,
get your sticky - booger filled noses out of my business.[=

GLUE/MALT [=

i'll be done in a few.
which is riiiiiiiight about....
NOW

bye.

2007-04-14T21:22:00.000+08:00

i'm doing that someday

like wee hee hee. great avril dissing

WHORE

PETE WENTZ

2007-03-20T22:02:00.000+08:00

sorry for the crap i updated the last time.
just living up to the title AIRUS gave me.
'Diyanah merepek macam kerepek'
i haven't much to say in this post. so, i'll let the pictures do the talking.
feast your eyes people.

- monday 12032007

i was in the bus with airus & noticed this guy sleeping.

- tuesday 13032007

spiderman. climbing walls. GO FIGURE.

- wednesday 14032007

illegal. duh. a pet shop in malaysia.

spoilt for choice.

- thursday 15032007

two borthers with the same eating habits.

- friday 16032007
eldds on the way to watch a play

lyana & fyda.

dihar & mira.

guess i'm going to stop here for the time being.
TO BE CONTINUED.....

2007-03-13T23:43:00.000+08:00

i just remembered
there was this article in the straits times about two 13yr old Malaysians that got married.
no offense but i think that it's plain stupidity.
you're wasting your youth for god's sake.
you think it's love?
oh come on.
what shit.
quoting mr hamzah 'there's no such thing as love. love money'
i think i know why the two individuals decided to get married ;
1. she's pregnant
2. they're stupid
3. they've nothing better to do
4. they're desperate
5. they're stupid
6. she's pregnant
and..
7. they're stupid.

why get married when you're going to end up apart?
don't tell me it's because of the sex.
oh such lowlifes.

at least it's not my life that's wrecked.
hah.

2007-03-13T23:40:00.000+08:00

*How Stereotypical You Are...*
The Generic Teenager Stereotype
Do you drink [alcohol]?:	no
Do you party a lot? How often?:	no
Do you use drugs for recreational purposes?:	no
How often do you use the word like in an average hour?:	quite often
Do you skip classes? How often?:	trying to stop
Do you have casual sex? Protected?:	no
Do you steal?:	no
Do you wear inappropriate clothing?:	no
Do you drool over celebrities?:	no
Do you watch a lot of TV?:	maybe
Do you ever watch the News?:	yes
Do you even care about world issues?:	maybe
Do you read books often?:	maybe
Are you failing a lot of your classes?:	no
Do you spend most of your time with your friends?:	maybe
Do you smoke cigarettes?:	no
Do you hang out a lot in malls, or at Seven Elevens?:	no
Do you often find yourself with a crush on someone?:	no
Do you cuss a lot?:	no idea
Are you desperate to fit in?:	no
Are you intelligent?:	duh
The Goth Stereotype
Black lipstick?:	looks too dirty
Black eyeliner?:	a must wear
Black eyeshadow?:	not needed
Black trenchcoat?:	not needed
Black boots?:	not needed
Black fishnets?:	you going fishing?
Black nail polish?:	no.
Cigarettes?:	no
Heavy metal music?:	maybe
Marilyn Manson?:	yes
Kittie?:	huh?
Cradle of Filth?:	huh?
Constant frown and perpetual angst?:	maybe
Do you like to be seen as:	what?
Are you an intellectual?:	i am one
An atheist?:	whatthe?
Horrible home life?:	no
Hopelessly depressed?:	no
Suffering with suicidal idealations?:	no
Self-mutilation?:	no. that's stupid
The Punk Stereotype
Plaid?:
Big black boots?:	you going for NS?
Mohawk?:	okay. but its getting OLD
Excessive piercings? [Especially facial]:	not punks only
Loud, confident and opinionated?:	in other words ATTENTION SEEKING
Wild hair colors?:	okay
NOFX?:	i don't listen to them
Rancid?:	the band or the punks you're refering to?
Well versed on political scandals and outrages?:	huh?
A:	?
The Jock Sterotype
What's your IQ?:	high?
Do you watch a lot of sports?:	no
Play a lot of sports?:	no
Talk a lot about sports?:	no
Do you do anything, really, but think about sports?:	no
Are you arrogant?:	yes
Are you a male or female whore?:	none
Are you homophobic?:	?huh?
Do you tease other people a lot because you want to seem confident?:	no
But really you're a quivering mass of insecurity?:	no
Boobs = yes?:	no
Parties = yes?:	makes no difference
Dropping out of high school and flipping burgers = yes?:	no
The Girl Stereotype
Do you spend a lot of time on your appearence?:	maybe
Have you ever been on a diet?:	no
How much did you lose?:	i said no
Was it not so much a diet as it was an eating disorder?:	dots
Make yourself throw up?:	no
Make-up?:
Low-cut tops?:	no
How big are your boobies? [Cup size]:
Do you flip your hair when you talk, even if you don't realize it?:	no
Giggle a lot?:	no
What's the deal with boys?:	how the heck should i know? ask them. duh
Thongs?:	no comments
Pretty bras?:	who cares?
YM, Teen, Cosmo, et al?:	lame
Who's the weaker sex?:	men
Are you a feminist?:	no
Do you think Brad Pitt is hot?:	not really
How often do you shave your legs?:	no idea
How about your armpits?:
Are you emotional?:	no idea
Especially when on your period?:	no
This Or That [Oh, that old coconut.]
Originality or Acceptance?:	originality
Independence or Companionship?:	independence
Stability or Freedom?:	stability
Personal or Interpersonal?:	personal
Introvert or Extrovert?:	introvert
Popularity or Isolation?:	isolation
Unique or Loved?:	unique
Understood or Individual?:	understood individual
You or Them?:	me
Take this survey \| Find more surveys \| MySpace Surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

oh ya. one more thing
PUNKS ARE DUMB

2007-03-13T23:05:00.000+08:00

*• c o n f e s s i o n s •*
*~•be honest•~*
- y e s - o r - n o -
I'M AFRAID OF SILENCE:	no. but i can't live without sound
I TALK A LOT WHEN I GET NERVOUS:	no. hardly ever
I AM REALLY TICKLISH:	yes
I'VE BEEN CALLED A TEASE:	and that means?
I'VE BEEN CALLED "JAIL-BAIT":	and that means?
I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK:	no.
I'M AFRAID OF FACING MY BACK TO OPEN DOORS AT NIGHT:	no idea.
I CAN'T SLEEP IN A ROOM IF THE CLOSET DOOR IS OPEN:	duh. you expect me to stare at the mess?
I AM A HOMOSEXUAL:	no
I BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE:	no
I'VE RUN AWAY FROM HOME:	no
I LISTEN TO POLITICAL MUSIC:	no
I COLLECT COMIC BOOKS:	no
I SHUT OTHERS OUT WHEN I'M SAD:	i don't remember being sad. only sadistic
I'VE STAYED OUT ALL NIGHT:	no
I OPEN UP TO OTHERS EASILY:	no
I AM KEEPING A SECRET FROM THE WORLD:	maybe. it wouldn't be a secret if i tell
I WATCH THE NEWS:	sometimes
I OWN OVER 5 RAP CD'S:	no
I LOVE DISNEY MOVIES:	no
I AM A SUCKER FOR GREEN EYES:	maybe
I AM A SUCKER FOR BROWN EYES:	maybe
I AM A SUCKER FOR BLUE EYES:	oh yea
I DON'T KILL BUGS:	fake
I CURSE:	true
I'VE CHEATED ON MY BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND:	no
I'VE SLIPPED AND FELL IN PUBLIC:	yea
I'VE SLIPPED OUT A "LOL" IN A REAL CONVERSATION:	no. that's dumb
I LOVE SPAM:	sometimes
I'M A GOOD COOK:	great joke
I HAVE WORN PAJAMAS TO CLASS:	no
I HAVE OWNED SOMETHING FROM ABERCROMBIE:	lemme go check my wardrobe
I WANT A BETTER JOB..OR A JOB:	yea
I'VE TALKED ON THE PHONE FOR 6+ HOURS:	no. im not stupid
I LOVE DR. PHIL:	he dosen't make an impact to my life in any way
I LIKE SOMEONE:	not someone. something. its money
I AM GUILTY OF TyPiNg LiKe ThIs:	no. i hate that shit
I AM SELF-CONSCIOUS:	hell yea
I LOVE TO LAUGH:	depends
I DRINK ALCOHOL FREQUENTLY:	no. im not stupid
I'VE SMOKED A PACK OF CIGARETTES IN 1 DAY:	again NO IM NOT STUDID
I'M NOT A VIRGIN:	i am. i intend to stay that way
I LOVE LORD OF THE FLIES:	like whatever
I EAT COUGH DROPS WHEN I'M NOT SICK:	sometimes
I CAN'T SWALLOW PILLS:	amazingly, i can
I HAVE A LOT OF SCARS:	no
I CAN'T SLEEP IF I KNOW THERE'S A SPIDER IN THE ROOM:	again, amazingly, i can
I LOVE CHOCOLATE:	hell yea
I BITE MY NAILS:	heck no
I TWIRL MY HAIR:	heck no
I AM COMFORTABLE WITH BEING ME:	hell yea
I PLAY COMPUTER GAMES WHEN I'M BORED:	no
I TAKE THESE GAY SURVEYS WHEN I'M BORED:	no
I'VE SEEN A SHOOTING STAR:	can't seem to remember
I'VE HAD A "MENAGE A TROIS":	whatever the hell?
I'VE GONE OUT IN PUBLIC IN MY PAJAMAS:	no
I'VE KISSED A STRANGER:	no
I'VE KISSED SOMEONE FOR THE HELL OF IT:	no I'VE GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO
I'VE HUGGED A STRANGER:	no?
I'VE BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT WITH SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX:	maybe
I'VE LAUGHED AND HAD SOME TYPE OF BEVERAGE COME OUT OF MY NOSE:	no
I'VE PUSHED ALL THE BUTTONS IN AN ELEVATOR:	HELL YEA
I'VE MADE OUT IN AN ELEVATOR:	heck no
I'VE KICKED A GUY WHERE IT HURTS ON PURPOSE:	not YET
I'VE BEEN SKYDIVING:	no
I'VE BEEN BUNGEE JUMPING:	no
I'VE HAD STITCHES:	yea
I'VE BITTEN SOMEONE..AS A JOKE:	yea. ask nadia
I'VE BEEN TO NIAGARA FALLS:	no
I'VE HAD THE CHICKEN POX:	yea
I'VE CRASHED INTO A CAR:	no
I'VE BEEN TO JAPAN:	no
I'VE RIDDEN IN A TAXI:	duh
I'VE SHOPLIFTED:	no
I'VE BEEN FIRED:	no
I'VE HAD FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T HAVE THEM BACK:	maybe
I'VE STOLEN SOMETHING FROM MY JOB:	no
I'VE BEEN ON A BLIND DATE:	no
I'VE HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER:	no
I'VE CELEBRATED MARDI GRAS IN NEW ORLEANS:	no idea. so that's a no
I'VE BEEN TO EUROPE:	not YET
I'VE SLEPT WITH A CO-WORKER, AND/OR EMPLOYEE:	no
I'VE BEEN MARRIED:	no
I'VE GOTTEN DIVORCED:	no
I'VE BEEN PREGNANT:	no
I'VE SEEN SOMETHING/SOMEONE DYING:	yes. the bug i just squashed
I HAVE A LIST OF PEOPLE I WANT TO KILL:	yes.
I'VE DRIVEN OVER 400 MILES IN 1 DAY:	no
I'VE BEEN TO CANADA:	no
I'VE BEEN ON A PLANE:	no
I'VE SEEN THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW:	?huh?
I'VE THROWN UP FROM DRINKING:	no
I'VE EATEN SUSHI:	duh
I'VE BEEN SKIING:	no
I'VE BEEN ICE SKATING:	no
I'VE CRIED IN PUBLIC:	yea
I'VE TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE:	no IM NOT STUPID
I'VE LIKED SOMEONE EVEN THOUGH I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE:	no
I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT SOMEONE ALMOST 24/7:	yes MYSELF
I'VE HATED THE WORLD:	i havent been noticing. im too self absorbed at times
Take this survey \| Find more surveys \| MySpace Surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

2007-03-13T22:18:00.000+08:00

haven't been posting much.

oh ya.

vanity?.
whatever.

*45 of the most random things you probably never needed to know about someone*
whats your name spelt backwards?:	hanayid
What did you do last night?:	sleep
The last thing you downloaded onto your computer?:	songs
Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery?:	never
Last time you swam in a pool?:	sometime last year
What are you wearing?:	clothes
How many cars have you owned?:	none
Type of music you dislike most?:	techno
Are you registered to vote?:	not yet
Do you have cable?:	yea
What kind of computer do you use?:	a fujitsu notebook
Ever made a prank phone call?:	duh
You like anyone right now?:	yes. money. well not anyone but anything
Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?:	neither
Furthest place you ever traveled?:	my imagination brings me places
What's your favorite comic strip?:	chewonit
Do you know all the words to the national anthem?:	yea
Shower, morning or night?:	both
Best movie you've seen in the past month?:	none
Favorite pizza toppings?:	cheese
Chips or popcorn?:	depends
What cell phone provider do you have?:	a prodvider that is probably managed by a blithering idiot?
Have you ever smoked peanut shells?:	uh. no?
Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?:	no
Orange Juice or apple?:	apple
Who were the last people you sat at lunch with?:	can't seem to remember
favorite chocolate bar?:	kinder bueno
Who is your longest friend and how long?:	two. neednt mention
Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?:	never
Have you ever won a trophy?:	yea
Favorite arcade game?:	none
Ever ordered from an infomercial?:	nope
Sprite or 7-UP?:	sprite
Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work?:	duh
Last thing you bought at Walgreens?:	nothing. i don't even know the place exists
Ever thrown up in public?:	yea
Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love?:	being a millionaire. there's no such thing as love. love money
Do you believe in love at first sight?:	no
SPONGEBOB OR JIMMY NEUTRON?:	SPONGEBOB. DUH
Did you have long hair as a young kid?:	cant seem to remember
What message is on your voicemail machine?:	the one that was pre-set?
Where would you like to go right now?:	no-where
Whats the name of your pet?:	they're all dead
What kind of back pack do you have, and what's in it?:	reebok. books duh
What do you think about most?:	money
Take this survey \| Find more surveys \| MySpace Surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

2007-03-03T01:07:00.000+08:00

i'm finally here to post.
long time since my last update.
nothing much to talk about.
really.
actually, there is.
plenty happening right now.
but i cant actually say anything.
that sorta promise.
whatever.

anyone who'd like me to make/create themes for your phone, kindly alert me.

HERE
my site.
(=

2007-02-17T19:39:00.000+08:00

long time since i last post.
but whatever.
my next door neighbour is seriously getting on my nerves.
is there a need to speak at the top of your voices?
gawd.
how pathetic.
_______________________

things are seriously different.
that decision i made was an utter mistake.
i'd really like to believe what people say.
but it's impossible.
things will never be.
i guess i just have to learn to accept that fact.
the royal blood will never be mine.

2007-02-07T23:27:00.001+08:00

okay.
we had drama tuesday.
FARAH SLAPPED MY BUTT.
uh.
i never authorised her to do that.
=)
sry lyana.
ter-kick uh.
not done on purpose.

today was okay.
and sherman,
you're super - disgusting.
stop making my mind filthy with your filthy talk.
......

dad,
i don't lie.
I ONLY MANIPULATE THE TRUTH.
HEHEHEH.
ye la.

TILL NEXT TIME.

PS. dear SIR,
YEAH YOU APOLOGISED.
IT ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE THINGS.
TOO BAD.
AND I REPEAT.
DON'T BOTHER SAYING HI OR WHATEVER.
WE'RE NOT FRIENDS.
WE DON'T HAVE TO.
I'LL SEE HOW THINGS CONTINUE.
BUT BEAR IN MIND.
THE NICETIES & PLEASANTRIES WERE LONG GONE.
ONE MORE THING.
WHATEVER.
I DON'T CARE.
AND I NEVER DID.

2007-02-01T15:05:00.000+08:00

okay.
im in school right now.
with nadd, naddz, asidah, suria, naz and huzaimah.
right.

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

that was part of the lyrics of EMPTY APARTMENT.
and fandra, if you ever read this, that part is for you.

okay.
i know how lame that sounds.

2007-01-31T23:20:00.000+08:00

oh, i still hate NEASH LEE.
okay.okay.
i'm like so blanked right now.
right.

in the afternoon,
zulaikha called my old number.
with regards to the GOLDFISH-HATER thingy.
DUH.
her voice was like panicky/irritated. not quite sure.
sheesh.
no need to panic la you.
no big deal what.
I HAVE A FEELING YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS ME.
IT HONESTLY WASNT
and don't worry.
i'll never spam your blog.
if there's one person,
i think it'll be fadzil.
uh. wait.
who's fadzil again?.
i know who's blog i'll spam.
JEANETTE.
it's not like you know her or anything.
just a friend of my cousin.
a big POSEUR.
okay.
i'll post some other time.

ps. the drama sec1 junior, WEIYANG (is that how you spell his name?) is so super-cute.

2007-01-31T19:05:00.000+08:00

I HATE YOU NEASH LEE.
YOU PATHETIC OLD GAY. (he said that himself.during our POA test. he's gay)
LAME UH.
YOU CARE ABOUT YOU REPUTATION SO MUCH HUH?
COME ON LA.
SCHOOL ENDED ALREADY RIGHT?.
IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD OR WHAT?.
THANK GOD I GOT THAT BACK.
UGH.
I HATE YOU.

2007-01-27T13:45:00.000+08:00

kay.
it's been quite some time since i last post.

TO ALL THOSE PEOPLE I'VE OFENDED,
I'M SORRY.
BUT IF YOU'RE FADZIL,
FAT HOPE I'M GOING TO APOLOGISE.

WAKE UP.
THE PLEASANTRIES WERE LONG GONE.
I WON'T BOTHER BEING NICE TO YOU AT ALL.
CUS I DON'T WANT TO WASTE MY TIME TALKING TO YOU.

YOU SAID IT YOURELF.
I'M HEARTLESS.
SO BE IT.
YOU THINK I GIVE A FREAKING DAMN?

CALL ME WHATEVER YOU WANT.
CUS I DON'T CARE.
YOUR WORDS MEAN NOTHING TO ME.

YOU BROUGHT ON ALL THIS WRATH.
AND NOW,
IT'S TIME YOU REGRET
CUS THINGS MAY GET UGLY.

GO REGRET ALL YOUR MISTAKES.
GO AND CRY LIKE YOU USUALLY DO.
GO AND DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
GO BRING YOUR FUGLY POSUER MINDSET SOMEWHERE ELSE.

THIS I REPEAT FROM THE TEXT YOU RECEIVED THAT NIGHT.
DON'T TALK TO ME.
DON'T EVEN BOTHER SAYING HI.

THE PLEASNTRIES ARE SO DAMNED OVER DUDE.
JUST CONTINUE ROTTING IN EVERYONE ELSE'S MEMORIES.
CUS YOU DON'T EXIST IN MINE.

2007-01-19T20:24:00.000+08:00

okay.
so i had drama practice on thursday.
walking around in that room really brought back memories.
memories of the time when fandra and me were so close.
i guess i miss her.
somehow, i felt the same way during recess just now.
but it wasn't fandra.
thanks nadd. =)

kay. end of that part. another part.
jengjengjeng.
don't ask me what brought this on.
just read.

sheesh.
why do you act like you're the hottest guy that ever existed?.
you'd better keep your effing hands to yourself or your ears are going to be filled with my extensive vocabulary.
words people with your intellectual capacity will never understand.

i'm ruthless.
i'm rude.
too bad you have to see this side of me.
you're going to dread it.
i'm no longer your 'deary idiot'.
i'm not your friend. friends don't hate each other. and I HATE YOU.
and there's no need to accidentally bump into me in school.
cus if you do,
I SWEAR
that if i have a knife with me,
i'm gonna cut you open and pull your intestines out.
and not to forget.
i'll gouge your eyes out of your skull.
and leave your dead body there to ROT.
DON'T BOTHER GIVING ME YOUR EFFING EMPTY THREATS.
and when it's OBVIOUS that YOU LOSE,
there's no need for you to ask 'DAH KALAH PE?'
cus i'll ALWAYS WIN.

YOU BIG FUGLY POSEUR.
so what if you're in a gang or used to be in one?.
so what if you take drugs?.
so what if you're mixed eurasian?.
I'M STILL BETTER THAN YOU.
with my extensive vocab and THINKING SKILLS,
I'LL OUTWIT YOU IN ANYTHING AND ANYTIME.

JUST ACCEPT THAT FACT.

and don't bother me with your effing problems anymore.
you wanna know why?.
CUS I DUN GIVE A FREAKING DAMN.

THAT'S WHY.

YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT.
YOU CAN DO AS YOU PLEASE.
I DON'T CARE.
YOU PISSED ME OFF REAL BAD.

SO JUST WALLOW IN YOUR OWN SELF PITY.

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN.

2007-01-15T19:42:00.000+08:00

okeh.
my current skin sucks can.

i've got to say i was seriously scared of nadd just now.
after reading her blog and all that.
but THANK GAWD she was 'back' after/during? recess.
kay.
POA was loads of fun just now.
yee see and nurisa were throwing stuff at each other.
and me along with jabez [is that how you spell his name?] we're caught in the middle.
then,
it kinda got boring.
so,
i suggested that we called joseph's handphone.
his face was like so blur.
and he looked around.
hahahs.
then,
nurisa asked for yee see's number.
and she called.
yeah, he did look kinda blur.
but not as blur as joseph. =)
then,
we called long kiat.
i've got to say, he's got good eyesight.
he immediately came to our table and we burst out laughing. =)

oh ya.
sitting arrangements were 're-arranged'.
and i'm sitting with sherman AT THE FRONT.
effing shit.
i've always hated sitting infront.
and its deeper effing shit that KELLY happens to sit behind me.
don't get me wrong okay.
i don't hate her.
but i don't like her either.
i always get to sit with the most irritating people ever.
last time it was s_ari_ah.
now it's kelly.
argh.
i'm not sociable.
i'm ruthless.
i'm mean.
i'll tell you off whenever i like.

like it or not,
that's me.

2007-01-14T19:28:00.000+08:00

sheesh hani.
need you put that as your display name?.
just thinking about it forms big knots in my stomach.
maybe i'm not looking forward to it.
not maybe.
I AM.
what's gonna happen when we get there?.
it's freaking me out so bad.

i'm not the type to look on the brighter side of life but for once, i'm gonna try.
IT REALLY MAKES ME WANNA DROOL
THE WAY HE LOOKS SO COOL
WILL HE BE MINE?
OH, HE'LL BE MINE. =)
ubercute.
with his uber swit smile.
but with great insecurities.
i wonder why.

2007-01-11T18:59:00.000+08:00

kay.
recess just now was kinda gerek.
azyan and naddz go shout some stuff.
hah.
pure evil. =)
DnT = pure boredom.
i just stared at Mr Mok talking about resistance and what not.
heh.
whatever la.
at least i learnt something.
woo hoo.

2007-01-08T20:40:00.000+08:00

skewl was okay today.
okay. i'm evil. =)
nadia, you wait. it'll be your hand one day.
*wide evil grin*
im no longer sitting beside alison.it's nurisa now.
yeah. now, good luck to you nurisa.
cus i'm gonna draw on your arm with as many colours as possible. =)
hey.
maybe, since i can't reach nadia, i'll ask NURISA to 'draw' on nadd.
evil?.
oh yes.

oh. now, say this. nadianadianadianadianadianadianadiana. who you referring to?.
me?. or nadia?.
lame?. =)
oh. i'm just being me.

[thoughts of you are choking me, my dear]

2007-01-06T14:56:00.001+08:00

things can really be a pain in the neck at times.
i really appreciate it that _ actually trusts me enough after all that has happened.
i knew.
i knew all along.
all of what was done was deliberate.
_ admitted.
i admire _ courage.
but, HECK CARE.

i'm ruthless.
i know.
no need to tell me okeh.
i love being like this.
if you hate me this way,
SCREW YOU.

hah.

2007-01-04T18:39:00.000+08:00

hey.
there's one more resolution i missed out.

- use MALAY more often. i'm not gonna use what people call 'BAHASA PASAR'. but i'm gonna use proper malay.

that's why im gonna write this post in malay.

realiti begitu mengejutkan. aku tidak tahu bagaimana haris aku katakan. mungkin aku patut melupakan apa yang ingin aku katakan sahaja.

HAIX. it's really hard to use malay when it's already 'karat'. i guess i'll polish it up first. then i'll blog with it.

2007-01-03T22:14:00.000+08:00

so.
today's the first day of skewl.
really exhausting, tiring day.
woke up late. no clue why my phone alarm didn't ring. [was ard 0645 there]
i was supposed to meet era and asidah under blk 520 0655.
luckily i wasn't the only one.
they woke up late too.

fast fwd.
i went to skewl with asidah ONLY in the end.
so far,
the subejct teacher's look okay.
all except for MR TEO.
he's teaching my class POA.
whoa. i ain't confident abt passing with him as a teacher.
maybe it's cus he speaks in a way that only the weird will understand.

being in 3e4 for a day wasn't so bad.
i can't help but feel so.. bleagh?!?.
i duno.
maybe it's a mixture of disappointment and shame.
i have got to admit.
dropping three classes down really does take a toll on me.
if only i could turn back the hands of time.
and studied harder.
regretting what i've done won't make any difference.

maybe i should have resolutions from now on.
resolutions that i will SWEAR to keep.

okeh. here goes.

i nurul diyanah azhar swear that i will:

- not skip classes anymore
- revising EVERYDAY
- just improve my sloppy study habits

&
- no more last minute cramming.

t00d1es.
baby, you're just so pretty in your pain.

hey

2007-01-03T17:53:00.000+08:00

its a new year. and im trying to do what i failed to do in the past. actually caring for my blog. showering it with tender loving care [sheesh.what rubbish =)]. maybe this should be my new year's resolution. ah. crap. i myself know very well that i don't ever make new year's resolutions. wanna know why?. cus i know i can never keep them. to me all the resolution thingy = crapping shit.

well whatever.
and this blog is currently under construction.
so just sit tight.

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